No title for youth


today when i went back home late after long tiring day, in my head it just repeated those lines: ” i miss the girl who always hugged me when we said goodbye”. and i thought of my so-called-ex-bf, long title for short relationship, we didn’t have time to say “real goodbye”,  and i heard that he got new girl friend, and i just wish that he made right decision, to not get hurt.

and i think about making list ” what i miss about my youth”. it’s like thousand beautiful sun rays, over my body.

“Just one night of sleep and it’ll all come back
It’ll be the light that protected our young nights
Let’s go see it again” – Gondry|Ohhyuk

so, i miss many things, many people, many moments, and those who maybe never come back my life again, those whom i might not see again, those whom i’m still be with , those whom i just hear news from facebook and friends, those…

so, i will tell you,  it must be long long list, some of them turn and turn back many times a week, a month, some of them make me smile, and cry, some of them relieve me, remind me of beautiful things, vivid youth and how lucky i was.


i miss the girl who always hugged me when we said goodbye.

i miss the time when i waited next morning to see notificaition of my mail box, the red number, and your letter.

i miss the time when she named me “Prim”, and my last name “Han”.

i miss the time when i hugged her whole long way to campsite , and it was the first time i hadn’t been sick, for i was with the one i loved.

i miss that rainy day, we stood in front of high school gate, waiting for her father, and she sang with her tender voice, and we laughed hard, and it was one of the best moments in my highschool time.

i miss the day when i was with him, sitting in a coffe shop, leant on his shoulder, held hands and said nothing.

i miss that summer, when i wandered around the city, under night rain, talked about stuff, went to indie show, was careless about everything.

i miss the girl who sang karaoke through skype, picked me up on the coldest day of the year, stood awake to cheer me up.

i miss the first time i looked in to  your sad eyes, and i knew that i had a crush on you, so hard.

i miss that summer, when the only thing in my head was you, and your-never-came – letters.

i miss many times when i was him, i could be myself, and talked weird things, sometimes i just listened and laughed, discovered the place no one knew.

i miss many times we skipped classes, and sat on the bench, just looked up sky, felt the air on our face, and were excited by sunny winny days, or went by foot back home, played kid things, talked deep things, and realized many things.

i miss many things about my youth, maybe it wasn’t active, it wasn’t full of travel,  of friends, but those small moments, like her scene i remembered, like his uncompleted ( and never completed) promise, like the way he laughed,… kept me alive, happy.

if i continued writing them, it would be very long list.  but youth is like sunshine, how can i keep it through my palm, i just watch and remember its colour, light, shape, and feel.

and i’m grateful.